As I mentally distance myself more and more from the toxic marriage and consciously project the reality of ending it, I explore the topic of my relationship to music sans Chi.   (more…)

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I finally “get it”… (more…)

A lot of things have been pissing me off lately.  This is one more….  (more…)

Just as our shit was spectacularly falling apart and TPO and all its unrecorded/ unreleased music was poised to perish as collateral damage with Chi & Brenda K on the point of going down in a fireball of mutually assured destruction, an astonishing thing happened.   (more…)

What happened after the DV incident that ended our marriage  (more…)

A rundown of the final incident that ended our marriage….  (more…)

I am publishing this list in case it might help someone else to understand that when shit like this is going on, it is time to leave the relationship you are in, or that you are about to be served legal papers, depending on which side of it you are on.  It will not get better.  Trust me on this.  It only gets worse.  Some things may look better at the surface level from time to time, but the underlying problems are very likely still there, which led to things getting to this point in the first place, in which “this point” means that the relationship is so intolerably toxic on a continuous, ongoing basis that it just sucks the life out of you so all you can do is survive from one day to the next.  That is no way to live.  Believe me, I’ve been there.  (Or at this time, I am STILL here, but not for much longer).

Ok, now for the list:

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No, thankfully it’s not another out-of-control DV incident chez Panache, which would be a logical assumption given recent trends.  This time it was another conversation that blew my mind to tiny little pieces…. (more…)

Chi had some *interesting* proposals for how to spend my birthday, and yes, I meant that exactly how it sounded.  (more…)

This event began exceptionally well, only to prove in the end that, with extremely rare exceptions, there is apparently no such thing as being able to enjoy anything or have a good day as long as Chi is around to fuck it up.  What did he do this time? (Samuel Beckett, eat your heart out!)

An alternate take on this tragicomedy: This is what happens when musicians don’t get their need met to be performing constantly…they go insane!  (more…)