As alluded to in earlier posts, Chi and I are heading towards a split.  Well…he is trying his best to continue holding me captive, but *I* am heading toward the split.  Will the Panache Orchestra be able to survive? As a close friend recently pointed out,

…it seems to take up a ton of your time, create massive amounts of stress, and is ultimately doomed.

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Well, as most likely everyone who has been following this blog for the past couple years surely must have anticipated, the absurdist drama of Chi and my marriage seems to have reached the point of its practically inevitable doom…. (more…)

I am publishing this list in case it might help someone else to understand that when shit like this is going on, it is time to leave the relationship you are in, or that you are about to be served legal papers, depending on which side of it you are on.  It will not get better.  Trust me on this.  It only gets worse.  Some things may look better at the surface level from time to time, but the underlying problems are very likely still there, which led to things getting to this point in the first place, in which “this point” means that the relationship is so intolerably toxic on a continuous, ongoing basis that it just sucks the life out of you so all you can do is survive from one day to the next.  That is no way to live.  Believe me, I’ve been there.  (Or at this time, I am STILL here, but not for much longer).

Ok, now for the list:

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I found this piece near the bottom of my pile of drafts and was nonplussed to find that Chi’s extreme dysfunctionality and my extreme distress because of it was going on long before the catastrophic events in Japan of March 11, 2011.  There may be more since I did not start publishing my journals that portrayed Chi in a negative light until around August, 2011, by which point he had totally gone off the rails and nearly succeeded in taking me down with him.  (more…)

Some positive developments with Chi   (more…)

Another Chi-ism, this time most likely an equal-and-opposite reaction to the positive steps he’s been taking since the last incident about a month earlier.   (more…)

What I was able to accomplish while Chi was away on a brief holiday trip, and what happened when he returned. (more…)

Brenda K’s take on whether or not to do weddings  (more…)

Is this the end?   (more…)