Living With Mental Illness


The strong, stable creative phase that Chi had been in since around May 2013 was still ongoing, and this put me in the untenable position of being trapped between wanting to complete the process of preserving the creative output that we had produced up until now while developing and recording the new material he was continuously composing; and wondering how much more damage and stress I could withstand. Is this even worth doing at all, given that I am trying to do it with the human equivalent of antimatter?  (more…)

I finally “get it”… (more…)

Chi has been behaving exceptionally well recently.  There are occasional flare-ups, but they are brief and resolve quickly. Nevertheless, he still has to go, and this is why…
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Chi got another opportunity to shoot for a job as a musician playing on cruise ships, and this is how it went this time….  (more…)

A lot of things have been pissing me off lately.  This is one more….  (more…)

People may wonder why despite our considerable existing and ongoing creative output there is very little new content uploaded to the Panache Orchestra websites on anything resembling a frequent basis. Why might this be?  (more…)

In the tradition described in this piece, Chi blew another opportunity to secure gainful employment, this time in a capacity that would have suited him perfectly.  What did he do this time?  (more…)

Our producer dropped in on us Friday evening and this happened….  (more…)

Just as our shit was spectacularly falling apart and TPO and all its unrecorded/ unreleased music was poised to perish as collateral damage with Chi & Brenda K on the point of going down in a fireball of mutually assured destruction, an astonishing thing happened.   (more…)

As I struggle with what and how much, if any, of this epic disaster with Chi to share with the world at large, I go around and around with the issues of what about this is “right”, “wrong”, or just a simple culture clash — good, bad or indifferent.   (more…)

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