Occasionally I get a clear insight into the routine communication breakdowns Chi and I have on an ongoing basis. This was one such instance.
January 31, 2013
Context:
Chi had expressed gratitude at the dinner I made (chicken breast and sweet potato coconut curry over basmati rice served with romaine hearts topped w/grated carrots and cherry-balsamico vinaigrette and a side of oven-roasted red and golden beets over their steamed greens — full of vitamins, plus enough protein to satisfy inveterate carnivores)
Conversation:
BK: although I need crazy amounts of protein since I have been working out hard lately, and since you have been in rehearsals and some acting jobs in the evenings these past few weeks and not eating very well, and I need vitamins too, I made this dish even though it took forever. (Apologies for the FUBAR’d grammar and sentence structure – the conversation took place in Japanese and I don’t have the energy or brain power right at this moment to translate it into decent English)
Chi: “May I ask you a question?” (He had that look in his eyes that I have long recognized as a prelude to a fight and that excruciatingly annoying agitated edge to his voice) “WTF are you doing??! ‘You are training hard, so you need crazy amounts of (ridiculously expensive) meat/protein’…WTF are you trying to accomplish??! Why are you doing that??!!”
BK (piqued at his offensive tone): “Do some fucking research! Don’t waste my time making me explain this in fucking Japanese! Get a fucking clue!!”
Chi: “My point still stands: WTF are you trying to accomplish??! What fucking good does it do for you to be able to run a mile in 7.something-fucking seconds? What (useful) purpose does that serve??!!”
BK: “And what about YOU?! I don’t want to be a fat, lazy, HELPLESS fucking BUM!”
Chi: “I am a musician!”
BK: “And?! Exactly what has that accomplished??! You are helplessly dependent on ME for absolutely every single fucking thing, are you not?!!”
Chi: (silence)
BK (taking a step back from his obnoxious tone to listen to what he was actually trying to say, and baffled at his total lack of understanding of my history as an athlete or the importance of exercise for general health maintenance and the nutritional needs it gives rise to): (weary sigh) “That’s interesting…WTF-ever….”
Sitting with it for a minute (on the toilet as I stopped to pee…sorry, TMI!), I worked out the reason for this particular routine communication breakdown: Chi views me almost exclusively through the lens of my usefulness to him as a musician (and economic provider), and has absolutely no concept of, much less interest in my background as an athlete, and that vital aspect of my core identity. Fucking hell….
After stopping briefly to write this post before my memory hazed over, I went back to clearing away and washing the dishes.
La Vie avec Panache 
January 7, 2014 at 12:52
An update I never got around to posting, quite possibly because I couldn’t find it since I’d put it in a stupid place:
******
This story keeps getting crazier and crazier! I brought up the matter again today because I wanted to apologize for going shouty crackers on him last night over what at face value was in fact an innocuous and reasonable question underneath the rebarbative tone of voice, and the predicted outcome ensued….
Ok, so let me get this straight: You *being a musician* is some sort of *superior calling*, so it’s your life’s mission to practice instruments every night that you’ve spent untold thousands of dollars on and that we do not have the capacity to store while you are not generating any revenue to speak of that would offset the cost of their purchase price or opportunity cost of the space they take up and make extremely difficult to clean, creating an intolerable condition for me to have to live with, but it’s NOT okay for me to meet my need to be thin and healthy and athletic by spending $75/month (THAT I EARN AND PAY FOR on top of supporting the entire fucking house since you won’t!) to work out after the day job a few days a week, and spend a little more money (again, that I EARN AND PAY FOR IT WITH!) buying more meat than I used to since my protein requirements have increased??! WTFkng F?!!!
Back to the music, I have never had a problem with it (although I did look askance at you when you kept spending thousands of dollars acquiring more and more instruments you didn’t really need while not making any significant contribution to household overhead other than paying for the operation and maintenance of your truck) because I understand and respect and love that essential element of your core identity. Can you not at least try to exhibit a similar level of empathy and basic decency toward me?
Yes folks, it’s been another night in Chi’s Theatre of the Absurd….
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