Occasionally I get a clear insight into the routine communication breakdowns Chi and I have on an ongoing basis. This was one such instance.
January 31, 2013
Chi had expressed gratitude at the dinner I made (chicken breast and sweet potato coconut curry over basmati rice served with romaine hearts topped w/grated carrots and cherry-balsamico vinaigrette and a side of oven-roasted red and golden beets over their steamed greens — full of vitamins, plus enough protein to satisfy inveterate carnivores)
BK: although I need crazy amounts of protein since I have been working out hard lately, and since you have been in rehearsals and some acting jobs in the evenings these past few weeks and not eating very well, and I need vitamins too, I made this dish even though it took forever. (Apologies for the FUBAR’d grammar and sentence structure – the conversation took place in Japanese and I don’t have the energy or brain power right at this moment to translate it into decent English)
Chi: “May I ask you a question?” (He had that look in his eyes that I have long recognized as a prelude to a fight and that excruciatingly annoying agitated edge to his voice) “WTF are you doing??! ‘You are training hard, so you need crazy amounts of (ridiculously expensive) meat/protein’…WTF are you trying to accomplish??! Why are you doing that??!!”
BK (piqued at his offensive tone): “Do some fucking research! Don’t waste my time making me explain this in fucking Japanese! Get a fucking clue!!”
Chi: “My point still stands: WTF are you trying to accomplish??! What fucking good does it do for you to be able to run a mile in 7.something-fucking seconds? What (useful) purpose does that serve??!!”
BK: “And what about YOU?! I don’t want to be a fat, lazy, HELPLESS fucking BUM!”
Chi: “I am a musician!”
BK: “And?! Exactly what has that accomplished??! You are helplessly dependent on ME for absolutely every single fucking thing, are you not?!!”
BK (taking a step back from his obnoxious tone to listen to what he was actually trying to say, and baffled at his total lack of understanding of my history as an athlete or the importance of exercise for general health maintenance and the nutritional needs it gives rise to): (weary sigh) “That’s interesting…WTF-ever….”
Sitting with it for a minute (on the toilet as I stopped to pee…sorry, TMI!), I worked out the reason for this particular routine communication breakdown: Chi views me almost exclusively through the lens of my usefulness to him as a musician (and economic provider), and has absolutely no concept of, much less interest in my background as an athlete, and that vital aspect of my core identity. Fucking hell….
After stopping briefly to write this post before my memory hazed over, I went back to clearing away and washing the dishes.