I have been pruning our guava tree at the end of guava season each year, and this time it turned into a neighborhood-wide drama.
Halloween weekend, 2011
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The duplex in Chinatown we have lived in for the past three years came with a very productive White Indian guava tree in the tiny front yard. Each year at the end of guava season I have been pruning it back, learning a little more each season about how it grows.
Last year my pruning job was an abysmal failure. Let’s be clear: I have no experience with this sort of thing at all, and have no clue what I am doing. My father’s fruit trees were different varieties that required different techniques for managing them (citrus, pear, stone fruit), and his yard was much bigger than mine, so there was no need to train the trees in any particular way. From my observation, guava trees have a fairly wide, spreading canopy of branches growing every which way and lush green leaves that shed prolifically, making a big mess to have to keep sweeping up. I guess I could use the fallen leaves as a leaf mulch if I can ever get things to time out right. Two years ago I hired a landscaper to trim the guava tree. He gave it a snazzy traditional cut: flat and kind of swirly on top. That’s a cinnamon sun sunflower in the foreground.
Anyway, last October I gave the tree a sort of crew cut that over the ensuing months the branches grew straight up as planned, except that it looked kind of silly – like a person with mid-back length hair all standing on end. It also resulted in an especially dense canopy that let even less light in than the swirly flat top the professional landscaper had given it the year prior. Worse still, the long, upright branches bent down under the weight of the extra-abundant guava crop this year, and got all tangled up in the banana trees and the eaves of the house, totally obstructing the front walkway and even the sidewalk outside, and indeed did not keep the guavas out of reach as hoped. My plants below the tree nearest the entrance to the yard were looking more and more battered, and in fact, now it looks like only one of my Alpine strawberry plants has survived the frequent incursions by the neighbors.
As we were working away at this, one of our neighbors came by. He lives in one of the row houses next door, and when we first moved here, was very complimentary of my efforts to transform the tiny plot of ground covered in waist-high weeds into a culinary garden, and said that his sister used to live in our unit and had originally put the guava tree in. From the mail addressed to former tenants that often appears in our mailbox, they appear to be southeast Asian. He asked if I was cutting it down. I said no, and explained that I was simply pruning it back now that guava season is winding down, and it will re-grow with a vengeance next spring and produce another mother-lode of guavas in the fall. Chi filled a bag of guavas for him to take home. I went back to cutting down branches while Chi kept cleaning, and a short while later the Chinese woman a couple doors up came by and asked presumably the same thing, although I don’t know for sure since she doesn’t speak a word of English. Chi gave her some guavas and she went on her way.
He eventually went back inside, and I finally got the huge branch detangled and dragged it down to Chi where we reduced it. There was another big branch I had cut from the center of the tree that had fallen outward and got tangled up in the Rajapuri banana plants by the east wall facing the street, so I set the ladder on the sidewalk outside the wall to have a go at extricating it.
As I was up on the ladder struggling to find a position from where I could get some leverage to free the branch, another couple of neighbors came by, and in addition to asking why I was cutting the guava tree down, they started in about the banana flower that was still on the Cuban Red plant on the opposite side of the yard, going on and on about how you have to cut them in order to make the bananas bigger, etc., etc., and asking me all kinds of questions about my banana trees while I was in the middle of managing the guava tree. So the neighbors are still obsessing over that damn banana flower!
I tried my best to stay focused on what I was doing and on not fall off the ladder onto the sidewalk some eight feet below and possibly cutting my arm off with the huge tree saw on my way down, thinking “JEEZUS, people! Do you have any f***ing idea how distracting and annoying it is to have to deal with you crowding around pelting me with irrelevant questions while I’m way up on a ladder faced the wrong way on a slope, hanging on for dear life to a slender two-year-old banana tree trying to free a massively heavy guava branch and hold onto a large tool at the same time?!”
They eventually went on their way with a bag of guavas in hand, and as we were in the final stages of cutting up another big branch I had detangled and retrieved, yet another neighbor (a Bangladeshi woman from the apartment bloc on the other side of us) stopped to ask if we were cutting down the guava tree. Jesus on skis!! Don’t Asians ever prune their fruit trees?! For about the ninth time that afternoon I repeated my explanation of what I was doing, and we gave her a bag of guavas too.
After sawing down a couple more really tall, heavy, guava-laden branches in the middle of the tree from my vantage point atop the ladder I had moved to the middle of the yard and it was precariously tilting with one foot landing in a soft patch, and reducing them to a size that could be placed in a trash bag since the bin had overflowed several branches ago, we terminated this insane operation and put the tools away. I decided those remaining long branches in the middle had to go even though they weren’t particularly obstructing anything, or the tree would look incredibly strange. As it was, it already looked like a victim of a horrible punk haircut, with one remaining long-ish branch on the north side I had kept to be sure that the tree would have enough green to continue to photosynthesize, and that made it look like the tree was giving the finger to the whole neighborhood. I knew I would have to do a bit of tidying up, but not tonight. The poor tree is probably mortified, and I’m sure it’s bizarrely-shorne state is doing precious little to reassure the distraught neighbors.
November 22, 2011 at 13:54
OMG. You sound just like my best friend. She could have written this. You cracked me up with the constaint neighborly intruptions. Did you ever think they were just making sure they got their share of the tree’s fruit?
I have to comment on the beautiful music as well. It was wonderful.
Good luck with the tree and the aches and pains.
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November 22, 2011 at 16:19
Hey Miss D., thanks for stopping by!
Now that you mention it, the neighbors were most likely just making conversation while queuing up for for their share of the guavas. They were literally coming up to our door trick-or-treating for them last year.
Thanks also for the nice compliment on our music — we’re doing our utmost to make a viable go of it 🙂
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November 23, 2011 at 15:52
Guava? What kind of cats eat that? Mom says you should put up signs that say “Trespassers will be SHOT!” and “CONTAMINATED! EPA Superfund Cleanup Site”
Say, why aren’t the slaves doing all that work?
Perry and Kate
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November 30, 2011 at 20:26
Hey Perry, Gureyo said guavas are fun to play with, but forget about eating them 😀
LOL!!! I wonder if OSHA sells those “CONTAMINATED! EPA Superfund Cleanup Site” signs…I need a couple!
The slaves? I’m afraid that if I let them out of the basement, they’ll run away 😦 (I need to send down some more paper for them to sort out)
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December 5, 2011 at 13:03
I think those signs come from the EPA. Check with your local State EPA offices. Or go to a superfund site and abduct a sign. After all, your tax dollars paid for it.
I think you could put shock collars on your slaves to keep them from running away. Your mom might just get a kick out of seeing them jerk around. It is a good training tool for humans. If they head to the sidewalk, just zap ’em! They can be taught to clean your litter box, too. An open cans of Fancy Feast…
P
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December 6, 2011 at 19:13
HAH!!!! I’ll bet I still have an old “hard copy” photo in a box under the house somewhere of me outfitted in my sign-stealing regalia from when I was an avid practitioner of that past-time to decorate my apartment during my first year of college! I’ll bet some of my booty is still around somewhere at my parents’ house, or I might have sold them at a yard sale to raise funds for my plane ticket when I moved to Tokyo (SSSHHH!!! Gureyo doesn’t know about this, nor does Chi!)….
Gotta get those slaves at least involved in the litter box maintenance effort – great idea!
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November 24, 2011 at 09:26
Hey… no we don’t prune our gauva trees (not that i’ve heard of). I just know that they become firewood if the tree becomes too messy. Gosh! As a teenager, I’ve swept up a lot of those leaves. Along with Mango n Jackfruit trees 😀
But come to think of it, I think your abundant harvest might be coz of the pruning. Do you know how your neighbour’s sister got the tree to grow in the first place? Just tossed a few overripe gauvas? Also, don’t you get squirrels as visitors to the tree? It’s an ongoing competition over here who gets the fruits first 😀
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November 30, 2011 at 20:33
Hey Jeena,
Thanks for stopping by! I sure remember those huge jackfruits in India!
With trees that produce fruit on new growth, pruning them between seasons usually makes them produce more, but some trees (like citrus) produce on old growth, so those should not be pruned or you will lose your harvest 😦
There certainly are squirrels around here, and surprisingly (and FORTUNATELY!) I have not had trouble with them eating my stuff. It’s the human invaders who cause the most damage, oddly enough….I wonder if it’s because the neighborhood cats frequent my garden? That’s a bit of a conundrum since they like to turn it into a litter box, but if their presence stops the rodents from devouring my fruit and veggies, I’ll find a way to live with it 🙂
Given the size of the tree, I have a feeling that the former occupant planted it as a seedling from a nursery rather than a seed, although I am always pulling out baby guava trees that sprouted from overripe fruit that dropped, and seem to be trying to take over the whole garden!
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December 5, 2011 at 12:58
The squirrels are organizing. They aren’t just “furry little cuties” that romp in the yard. They are highly trained commandos who are planning to take over the world. Beware of squirrels!
Perry
for more information on the Squirrel Supremacy Movement, go here:http://perrytenitiss.wordpress.com/
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December 6, 2011 at 19:08
Perry, I think you’re absolutely right! Ironically enough, just since I posted this blog, it appears that some sort of small four-footed critter has been frequenting the Panache Garden and ransacking the cucurbits! It just destroyed my last surviving summer squash plant (a Bianco di Trieste Italian heirloom 😦 by severing the last remaining growth tip AND stealing the beautifully ripening squash (!), and has been picking off my Japanese cucumbers as soon as they get big enough to pick….
These plants are in a place that human marauders cannot invade without leaving obvious evidence of having done so.
It looks like that mutant strain of squirrel commandos you reported on in PA has opened up a recruiting/training center in CA, so they’re apparently nation-wide now!
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September 23, 2012 at 05:01
[…] the place, but that’s not a big deal. It becomes a big deal, however, when Chi and I do the Annual Guava Tree Whack-Back in which I prune the guava tree way down after it finishes producing fruit for the year to allow […]
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November 10, 2012 at 10:47
[…] The garden, which was also a high priority area, but couldn’t get to it for the same reason as above. In fact, all the plants I bought during the initial shopping expedition died and ended up in the compost bin! I eventually got around to that in late fall when I did the annual Guava Tree Management Operation. […]
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November 15, 2013 at 21:03
While searching on how to prune a guava tree, I ran into your story. This was the best story ever! Made me laugh so much. Too bad my guava tree won’t have so many lookiloos so I too could have a story like this.
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November 16, 2013 at 08:52
Thank you for stopping by and leaving such a nice comment! It’s time now to whack down the guava tree again, so I fully expect another big scene 😉
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March 5, 2014 at 17:31
[…] a tiny plot in the front garden at our place in Chinatown but it kept getting overshadowed by the guava tree and choked out by some sort of extremely invasive ground cover that some genius planted in the yard […]
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April 3, 2014 at 17:55
[…] away (Up until fall of 2012 I had been chucking out the leaves along with the branches after the annual guava tree whack-down) very high quality “brown matter” that could be put to good use in my composting effort, and […]
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