Chi has officially taken leave of reality! 

Listen while you read to a live recording of “I’m on the Run“ taken from a recent performance.  For the benefit of new readers, I’ll be repetitive: As much as I would have loved to soundtrack this post with “Under the Knife” from Kansas’ Freaks of Nature album, I will stick with Panache tracks rather than use material whose copyright is owned by others, for which permission to use may be complicated and/or costly to obtain….

Sorry that I keep repeating this prologue, but I think the narrative might be helpful for first-time visitors.



Monday 23 May 2011

This is so surreal it just has to be documented.

Whilst bumbling through the motions of making a pot of decaf at the day job this morning (regular coffee blows my circuits, and the decaf we have here is already too strong for me), I was wondering why everything was so shitty, and that could mean only one thing: it was Monday, and no one had made it go away as I had pleaded on FaceBook ca. 0130h last night when I finally finished my transcription of David Ragsdale’s virtuoso violin lines for “Song for America” by Kansas that I have to perform in a couple weeks.

What made this particular Monday shittier than normal ones was Chi informing me yesterday that his plans for importing his “ex-family” (i.e., the one that had forcefully kicked him out of their lives a few years before he and I met, obviously because he is such an abusive alcoholic mental case) are nearing critical mass.  This was a bit much, given that I am so desperately fatigued and sleep-deprived due to the insane shit I’ve been buried in recently that I’m having to re-criticalize just to keep functioning.

Ever since the catastrophic events in Japan on 11 March 2011, in addition to driving me completely fucking batshit with his constant harping and Cassandraizing about an impending nuclear apocalypse resulting in the imminent end of the world (his perception of the Japanese coverage of the unfolding events, compounded by that douche-blowpipe’s May 21 Rapture end-gaming and internet panic-mongering), he has by his own admission been badgering his ex wife and two adult children in Tokyo via email on a daily basis to quit their jobs and come move in with us (yes, into our little two-bedroom ghetto apartment in Chinatown, L.A.).  From what he had heretofore been reporting to me, they were resisting this gambit into utter ridiculousness.  Now it sounds like due to the duress of the ongoing crisis with the Fukushima nuclear power plant (exploding re-criticalizing spent fuel and continuing large releases of radiation, core meltdown(s)/melt-through, etc.), frequent aftershocks from the massive earthquake, disruption to the power grid and economy, etc., they are starting to cave in to his daily pressuring and harassment.  That means that I have to figure out a way to nip this in the bud.  Now.  Before he succeeds in severely disrupting all of our lives and creating a legendarily expensive calamity.

A part of me wanted to feel betrayed and hurt and angry about this since he now seems to have all this will to work and be productive in order to rescue his ex-family from nuclear contamination and economic meltdown, while the whole time he’s been here with me, all he’s seen fit to do is roll over and play dead and refuse to lift a finger to make anything work for himself.  However, after stewing over it for the better part of the day, my cool-headed, rational side won out when I finally realized that this has nothing to do with him suddenly acquiring a sense of responsibility and the will to work and become viable, and everything to do with his mental illness, specifically his narcissism, and wanting to come off looking like a hero and saving the day, charging in on his big white horse to sweep his family out of harm’s way.

I also thought that he is not legally competent to sponsor other intending immigrants since he is not even here on his own recognizance – I sponsored his visa – and he has remained gainfully unemployed the whole time he has been here, so I would have to agree to sponsor them and provide proof to the CIS that I am in a position to support the whole lot of them, which obviously I will never agree to.  However according to the CIS site, a legal permanent resident (green card holder) can sponsor other people, but they have to prove their ability to support them by filing a form i-864, or Affidavit of Support.  Upon re-reading the form (I had to fill that out when I originally imported Chi), I was non-plussed to learn that my meager income is indeed considered sufficient to support EIGHT (yes, E-I-G-H-T (8)) PEOPLE!  Obviously not at any standard of living I would find acceptable.  Whatever, at this point I am going on faith that the business counselor he told me he is going to go see today in Little Tokyo will talk some sense into him and head him off of this infatuation with lunacy since he sure as hell won’t listen to me, so I haven’t even tried!

Don’t get me wrong.  I care about his family too and want to help them.  Nevertheless, I am already stretched over the rack just having to support Mr. Special Needs and do everything for him since he won’t even so much as try to improve his (very minimal) English or attain any level of self-sufficiency here, so I’m in absolutely no position to take on several more people who would be just as inviable as he is.  Enough is enough.  If he wanted to save them, then he should have prepared better.  I.e., if he had only got a fucking job several years ago when we first moved here and it became clear that music was no longer an economically viable occupation (he has had plenty of opportunities to get employed, but he has quit or outrightly refused everything he has been offered!) instead of just consuming me out of house and home, and we’d had several years of two incomes and hopefully some savings, we would be in a position to trim down and divert the surplus to securing housing for them and providing for them until someone got their bearings and figured out how to bring in some income and attain criticality, but no…..

And of course this looming debacle would neatly coincide with one well-compensated booking for TPO in a new market segment for us that I cannot get out of and still maintain any credibility (or employability), so I may well be held hostage to that gig that is still a couple months out, and a lot of shit can occur during that time.  For background, this has been one of his favorite methods of manipulating and extorting me into doing his bidding: whenever I refuse to comply with some jack-asinine demand of his, he throws a hysterical temper tantrum and demands that I cancel all the shows I have knocked myself out to book, delete the web presence I have worked like a dog to create, etc., etc.  After I caught on to that control drama tactic and consciously realized that my world would do nothing but improve if he got the hell out of it by making good on his frequent threats to move back to Japan (like he’s really going to do that now – smirk!), I just ignore him and leave the room and wait for him to get a grip on himself.  That said, I’m not looking forward to the fight that this will probably ignite, and am working out a contingency plan to salvage the July date in case he tries to scupper that to coerce me into agreeing to sponsor visas for his (former) family.

Well, thankfully it turned out that the business counselor he met with told him that his ex wife is not eligible for family-based visa/green card sponsorship (she’s no longer considered a part of his family any more than she considers him a part of hers), and that his two adult children are over 21 years of age, and so aren’t eligible either (which isn’t quite the case according to the USCIS site, but had the desired effect of detonating this asinine plot).  His two young grandchildren (one infant, one in kindergarten) are not considered “immediate family”, so are not eligible either.

And as I take a break from writing this to pass around the mail at my day job (with my three college degrees and former expat career in international project management), I feel like a failed experiment in humanity, wondering, “How in the hell did I get here?”  My thoughts drifted to what I would do with all the relationships I have forged with musicians over the years, and what I am self-sufficient with, what I would need help with, equipment I’d have to re-purchase, etc., once I finally do discharge Chi and his never ending trauma-drama Cluster B bullshit from my life, should I keep doing music and start a solo project, or should I even wish to continue this at all.  I just don’t know.  To quote Lou Reed, “I really don’t care and I just don’t know”.  Probably from “Black Angel’s Death Song” or the heroin song, or one of those.